6 March 2026
5 Easy Steps to Zero Intimacy for Gay Men
Step 1. Objectify Men at Every Opportunity. Scroll through an app multiple times an hour and scrutinise sexualised photos of other men. Have a regular stream of half or fully naked men on your news feed. Masturbate to high-definition porn and fantasy on a regular basis and continue to train your mind into seeing men as sexual and/or fantasy love-objects. Talk about sexual acts as often as possible, paying special attention to physical appearance and body parts. You will soon have a strong, impossible-to-meet set of physical demands in your brain, that must be met before you consider relating emotionally to another man.
Step 2. Compare & Despair. With continued use of still and moving imagery, along with the porn that you recreate in your mind, you will be on track to judge your own body, face and personality in relation to the 'perfect' fantasy images you have trained your brain to fixate on. Next, find one or two things you find less appealing about your physical appearance or your personality, and really home in on them. Find someone who you think is 'better than' you and mentally hold yourself up against them, to really chip away at your self-esteem. Repeatedly imagine how much easier life must be for them. Overusing the mirror and extensive selfie-taking are very effective strategies to build up some juicy judgements about your physical appearance.
Step 3. Play the Victim. This is a highly effective strategy to never have intimacy. Everyone has an Inner Critic, but don't ever distance yourself from yours. Make sure you invest as much time and energy as possible into listening to, and believing in, that protective voice that yells you are too fat, too thin, too ugly, too young, too old, too black, too Asian, too camp, that your dick isn't big enough, that your arse isn't pert enough, that you are not muscly enough, that there's just something shit about you... or the Inner Critic's favourite victim story... that other gay men don't like you. Replay and buy into this story repeatedly until it becomes real. Never challenge it. And never share it. Pretend like it's not happening but inside, keep it up.
Step 4. Don't Ever be Vulnerable. Stay on social media as much as possible, and do not go to events, especially ones where there might be other gay men also looking for intimacy (unless of course it’s a chemsex party). Keep seeing other gay men as the enemy, as unsafe, as flawed. Blame them as a group. Don't be bold, don't take risks, don't ask guys directly for dates and definitely NEVER make a phone call. Just type things like 'how r u' and wait, hope and secretly pray for the other person to do the work of being vulnerable. And if they don't respond, return to Step 3 and tell everyone how difficult it is for you because you always get ghosted.
Step 5. Never Ask for Help. Even if you've been working the above steps for years, stay isolated and do not honestly share your struggle in a safe environment. Just keep imagining that everyone else has it sorted and you are the only one that goes through this. Don't ever believe that you can relate to gay men in a wholesome, loving way and... and this is important... NEVER sign up for anything like retreats and workshops where you might actually begin to challenge and heal some of this stuff! Never change what's going on on the inside and keep blaming the Universe instead. And definitely don’t sign up for the next Erotic Gateway Workshop here…. www.eroticgateway.co.uk/events
Step 2. Compare & Despair. With continued use of still and moving imagery, along with the porn that you recreate in your mind, you will be on track to judge your own body, face and personality in relation to the 'perfect' fantasy images you have trained your brain to fixate on. Next, find one or two things you find less appealing about your physical appearance or your personality, and really home in on them. Find someone who you think is 'better than' you and mentally hold yourself up against them, to really chip away at your self-esteem. Repeatedly imagine how much easier life must be for them. Overusing the mirror and extensive selfie-taking are very effective strategies to build up some juicy judgements about your physical appearance.
Step 3. Play the Victim. This is a highly effective strategy to never have intimacy. Everyone has an Inner Critic, but don't ever distance yourself from yours. Make sure you invest as much time and energy as possible into listening to, and believing in, that protective voice that yells you are too fat, too thin, too ugly, too young, too old, too black, too Asian, too camp, that your dick isn't big enough, that your arse isn't pert enough, that you are not muscly enough, that there's just something shit about you... or the Inner Critic's favourite victim story... that other gay men don't like you. Replay and buy into this story repeatedly until it becomes real. Never challenge it. And never share it. Pretend like it's not happening but inside, keep it up.
Step 4. Don't Ever be Vulnerable. Stay on social media as much as possible, and do not go to events, especially ones where there might be other gay men also looking for intimacy (unless of course it’s a chemsex party). Keep seeing other gay men as the enemy, as unsafe, as flawed. Blame them as a group. Don't be bold, don't take risks, don't ask guys directly for dates and definitely NEVER make a phone call. Just type things like 'how r u' and wait, hope and secretly pray for the other person to do the work of being vulnerable. And if they don't respond, return to Step 3 and tell everyone how difficult it is for you because you always get ghosted.
Step 5. Never Ask for Help. Even if you've been working the above steps for years, stay isolated and do not honestly share your struggle in a safe environment. Just keep imagining that everyone else has it sorted and you are the only one that goes through this. Don't ever believe that you can relate to gay men in a wholesome, loving way and... and this is important... NEVER sign up for anything like retreats and workshops where you might actually begin to challenge and heal some of this stuff! Never change what's going on on the inside and keep blaming the Universe instead. And definitely don’t sign up for the next Erotic Gateway Workshop here…. www.eroticgateway.co.uk/events